hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
