I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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