but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
