1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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