whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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