your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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