he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
