My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
