Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
