Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
