didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
