I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
