just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
