i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
