I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
