420 ftw
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
