you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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