I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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