I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
