i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
