spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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