Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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