Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
