Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
