Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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