I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
