So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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