I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
