if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
