Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
