I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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