i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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