Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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