I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
