My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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