You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
