Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
