So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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