He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
