My liver just broke up with me...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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