**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
