yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need to stop coming to work sober
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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