He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
