you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
