If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
