we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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