Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
