P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
