Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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