You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's like iHOP with fire
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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