he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
