Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish you could order shots online.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
