My liver just broke up with me...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
