I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
