Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
