I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
