This is not my ceiling
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
