I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
