Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
