And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
